Vote: Should a church ban an autistic boy?

Once again, in our society, someone feels compelled to play the victim card and expect everyone else to pay the price. Clearly from the charges and complaints the parents are doing NOTHING to restrain this child. Their simple solution to everything is "he is autistic and you have to deal with it, while feeling sorry for me." Never do you hear about THEIR efforts, but what everyone else should be doing on their behalf. They have done nothing to counsel or prepare this child for interacting with people, yet complain when they are challenged.

They are pathetic and the church is to be congratulated.

Harry

The safety of others must be brought into the picture. It the boy is a true danger, then the family should be willing to work with the church for the good of all. There is a difference between denying someone the right to sit in the regular audiance and endangering others by doing so. Why will the parents not realize that they can be held responsible as can the church if the boy inflects injury to another person?

We have several autistic members in my family, and I absolutely think the Church is well within its rights to protect parishioners from this young man. Clearly the family expects too much. A few days ago, I happen to be in a grocery store where a teenager kept screaming and jumping and spinning around near me. Since the boy was a lot bigger than I was, I worried for my safety. Fortunately one of the kid's parents took the matter in hand, and guided the boy away before he could become more agitated and really do some damage. If the family of this 225-lb autistic boy can't be depended upon to take proactive steps to control their son themselves, than ABSOLUTELY the Church must take steps to ban the child from services. I can't imagine there would be any debate.

I must agree with Harry. I have an autistic brother, who at times has exhibited erratic behaviors, even after our best efforts to ensure he was properly medicated, behaviorally trained, etc. This family is putting the rest of the congregation at risk and they are playing the victim card. It is such a typical approach in America; I get sick of it. Jesus told us to think of others before we think of ourselves; they ought to sit in the basement and not put everyone else in a state of discomfort. As this child gets older and gets into puberty, his actions will get more erratic and he may have outbursts which will put others at physical risk.

I could not vote on this issue because the "yes" or "no" options are too "cut and dried." I am a protestant pastor who passionately wants everyone welcome, but realizes that complexities exist. I once faced an issue with a mentally challenged man who was widely rejected in a variety of places. We welcomed him and found a place of involvement, but he kept stalking 13 & 14 year old girls. (This was before stalking laws existed) We tried every loving approach we could think of. We finally had to refuse entrance to him because he rejected our authority and kept up his behavior. It was a painful decision, but I stand by it 25 years later!
I vote "no" on polls that encourage uninformed opinions.

The only way I would disagree with the church's decision is if they had NOT tried to work things out with the family. But, they did offer suggestions to make it work and the family turned them down. We aren't talking about a two year old who is easily restrained in an emergency. This boy is the size of a full grown man with a history of needing to be restrained by family members. If the family cannot work with the church, them maybe they ought to find a new congregation to join.

As the mother of a severely disabled son, I have a great deal of experience with the kinds of issues this family is dealing with. We take our son with us to church every week. Thankfully, our congregation is very accepting of him. Unfortunately, that has not always been the case. We used to have a pastor who strongly suggested that I remove our son from the sanctuary whenever he made noise during church. I am grateful that our friends heard about what was happening and spoke to the pastor on our behalf. That pastor is no longer serving our church.

This is in reply to Harry, who was so quick to congratulate the church and call Adam's parents pathetic. This child is not criminally insane and should not be treated like a criminal. My 10 year old son is autistic and yes, he is rambunctious and so very different from the other kids, but neither he, nor any of the other autistic children I have had the pleasure to meet, are dangerous to themselves or others. I thought the christian thing to do is to embrace and accept those that are different. What if Jesus had done that to the lepers? A little tolerance can go a long way.... Coco

Six feet, 200 plus pound, erratic and dangerous behavior, a threat to the general public and his family thinks its ok for him to be turned loose on us......That's why I carry a .45 and an edged weapon, even to church.

A compromise needs to be achieved here. This is a great opportunity for the church to raise up a ministry that would allow Adam to attend mass while protecting the other parishioners. If the family can't control their son (how was he able to get into someone else's car & start it up? Where were the parents?!) then they need help from the church. Why can't a group of men volunteer to sit or stand in the vicinity of Adam while he's at mass and help to escort him to his car? We have some people like this at our church & there are always several men keeping watch of the foyer & sanctuary during the service to stop problems before they happen. They are very discreet about it too.

Also, does this church practice intercessory & healing prayer? Adam needs prayer not isolation. I hope the church & family come to some solution to the benefit of all. We can't push people away - we need to embrace them. Jesus welcomed everyone no matter what!

I'm not sure but I think the rates of autism have risen in the last few decades. Could there be a link to this & the administration of epidurals to moms who are delivering? It would not surprise me. Also, I believe the rates of autism are lower among children who are exclusively breastfed. Formula is not regulated by the FDA & there have been many manufacturing mishaps over the decades causing harm & death to countless children. Formula should be available by prescription only from baby's doctor - it's dangerous!

Church should be where we find refuge, safety and a dialogue with our God. I would hope that this family would find refuge, safety and their dialogue with God at any time other than the hour where they will become a main distraction to those who come to worship & pray.

This child needs love, compassion and a healthy diet for his spiritual guidance.

Adam has two favorite spots in the house, the prayer room and the kitchen table. "He likes to eat," his Mom said, laughing.Adam is prone to anxiety attacks. His Mom said some of those outbursts force members of the family to sit on him to calm him down, or restrain his hands and feet with a strip of felt.

Possibly Adam & his family would do well with having a priest come to their Prayer Room & celebrate Mass there.

I pray for Adam and his family right now. Hope the Lord helps them all according to his will. Amen

Oh, and when did Jesus forbid ANYONE to attend HIS church?? NEVER, and this goes against everything he taught.

They should all be ashamed of themselves for allowing this to happen. ANY church that allows this sort of thing to happen should ALL bow their heads and seek forgiveness.

Perhaps God should keep them ALL out of the kingdom of heaven.

Would serve them all right, but he's not that kind of God, and these are NOT true Christians.

I find it disgusting and appalling that they would even THINK about something so UN-CHRISTIANLIKE. If they truly wanted this young person to attend, they WOULD find away. It's not HIS fault he has been stricken with this affliction. People make adaptations for others in society who suffer from similar afflictions to allow them to live as close to a normal life as they can, and for a church and the parishioners to allow this is DESPICABLE!

If the kid is reacting this way, something at the church is upsetting him. Does it really seem good, to subject a 13 year old boy to something which upsets him so thoroughly? Even ignoring the safety of other children, preventing his mother from torturing her son seems like a good thing.

Another good reason I am not involved with organized religion. Why don't they just pray about it? I thought prayer was the cure for everything?? Or maybe it's god's will that the boy should be in church??
Where is one of their "God" reasons now??
I'm surprised they didn't say he is under the influence of Satan

I have hope and faith in myself and all humans ,most will do the right thing. Except when they claim they are "God fearing folk". Don't trust them as far as you can throw them.

Yes lets bash all people who believe in prayer. You sound ignorant and should keep your mouth shut. The flat out fact is that he's struck a child, urinated, spit, almost knocked down elderly people etc. The only response his mother had was "he hasn't urinated ON anyone" uhhh riiiight. If you knock down an 80 year old woman and break her hip chances are that woman will die within the year from complications. My dad is a pastor and I've seen it happen many times, a broken hip is a big deal. The church offered them different solutions, they refused. They want him to be treated like everyone else...well let me tell you what I don't know a church out there that would allow a person without a mental defect to behave like that in church. If they were being dangerous they would probably be asked to leave and not return. This family is not the only family that belongs to this church, there are people there with small children, there are old people and there are probably other people with mental disabilities THEIR safety and THEIR needs and wants should come into play as well.

This country is in sad shape...something doesn't go your way??? Claim discrimination and SUE

I am catholic and it has always been my understanding that the church and the religion as a whole is one of tolerance and helping others. I find it impossible to believe that Jesus himself would ever turn this young man and this family away. I believe resonable accomodations should be made to include this young man in sunday mass. That being said, his family does hold most of the burden of insuring the safety of others and doing everything possible to minimize disruptions to the service. Due to the lack of details provided in this news posting, it is impossible to evaluate the social dynamics happening between parishoners, the clergy and this family. The priest needs to be te voice of reason and of some authority. If he has not already done so, he needs to impartially evaluate whether or not this young man poses a saftey risk. If this is true, the next step is to ascertain if there is more that can be done to ensure everybody's safety. I do suspect that at least some of what led to this decision is the reaction of the paritioners. I have experience working with students with autism and the truth is that poeple who have no experience with these youngsers tend to have strong negative reactions to the behaviors these children exhibit. Some more simple accomodations can be made, such as seating the young man as close as possible to an exit so that if a behavior does take place, the family can remove him until the behavior subsides. There are hundreds of more possible accomodations that can possibly meet with success if the family and the parish are willing to give it a go. Consultation with a professional behavioral specialist with a high level of experience working with the Autistic population is recommended.
What I find most disturbing about this situation is that the church, both clergy and parishioners, do appear to failing this family. "It takes a villiage to raise a child" should be remembered here. I am not judging these poeple, because again I do not have all of the facts, but I would ideally like to see the parish truly reach out to the family with support and a commitment to gain a greater understanding of this young man's needs. This is what I believe, as a Catholic, God would want to see happen. Yes, services will be disrupted. And Yes, he may occasionally pee in the church. But pee can be cleaned. This family lives a life day-to-day that most of us would find unimaginable. If church is a comfort to them, and they need comfort, then the words written in the Bible call upon us to do what we can to make it happen. Putting aside religious explanations, it is incumbent upon us to help this family in order to consider ourselves decent human beings. This takes many forms. Either going out of your way to make them feel welcomed, or simply not staring or gawking when ths young man is having a bad time. Nevertheless, this debate is moot if you absolutely cannot ensure real safety for everyone.

God doesn't discriminate, and neither should a church congregation that claims the Word of the Lord. I can understand their fears because he is so big. I understand it can be difficult to discipline autistic children, however they are not dumb. Many autistic children, if taught appropriately do know wrong from right and just need guidance. They do have short attention spans, so a catholic church sermon would not be a great place for this child to learn about the Lord. This church needs to have a type of Children's church with extra workers to help with this child. That way curriculum is age appropriate and he won't get bored, and the Reverend can continue with his sermon without disruption.

I am a grandmother of a child who has some characteristics of autism, so I really feel for the Races. I do feel for the safety of the people at the church, that the Church has made the right decision. I am terrified to walk down the steps at my daughter's, because if my grandson decides to come down or up, he will just bump me to the side and has almost knocked me down. I don't think he does it on purpose, it's just that he needs to do whatever it is that he needs to do without regard for anyone.. I also know that he can become violent at times; thank God his medication is working these past few weeks and he hasn't had any problems. I think that the Races know their son is violent at home because of the study rooms being separate from him, so it leads me to think that they are just trying to make a big issue against the Church...sorry, but I do not believe there is anything to do with spiritulity in their fight.

As a mother of a special needs child, as well as a proffesional that works with special needs children, (including autism) I am offended not only by the church's actions but by the attitudes of some of the posts here. Hopefully the ADA will be invoked and this situation will quickly be squashed but it is so sad that bigotry abounds anywhere that some one is different. How recent was it that others might have been "encouraged" to worship in the bacement based on other disabilities, ethnicity, sexual preference?? Worship isn't just about God but also about fellowship...

Having been the parent of a special needs child, I can understand where this family is coming from. My child was not Autistic, but she was disruptive in church. Unlike the church her family is trying to attend, mine was very supportive. I was allowed to explain what her disability was, how it affected her, and how to respond best to her. All people are entitled to go to the church of their choice. Why else was America founded. What they are suffering is nothing less than discrimination. God blessed this family with a special needs child, not teach them a lesson, but to teach others. Humility, compassion, and love are the teachings Christ. I cannot say that any Church which bars this Child of God from His House is teaching His Way. There has got to be another way to include this family in the congregation of their choice with out insulting their humanity or intelligence. They love their son, they should not be penalized for that love or their faith.

Who would Jesus ban?

All who come to worship should have the opportunity for sanctuary, peace, learning, feeding the spirit, or for whatever reason they attend church. Not having the wisdom of Solomon how can one say who's needs are most justified, the disabled or other worshipers? That being said I do have to give a little thought to the idea of a person who is willing to flaunt the courts and the law. Doesn't an injunction have to go before a judge? Or at least be signed by one? I am curious why this parent did not find a good lawyer aching for a opportunity take this before a higher court. Cases like this can sometime go all the way to the Supreme Court. Why does this mom feel she is above the law because of a special needs child? Society is only as strong as those willing to respect the laws, not to mention the very valid needs of the other worshipers.

Additional comments:
Some red flags are raised the more I read this article. Look carefully at the response Carol makes to the priests' concerns: * Carol Race said Walz's claims are exaggerated. "He's never ACTUALLY INJURED anyone," she said. "He's never KNOCKED DOWN anyone. He's never urinated ON anyone or spit ON anyone." * If I'm correct, then, he has done everything that the priest is concerned about but the worst hasn't happened yet! Imagine saying, "Yes, I drove drunk but I didn't actually kill anyone!" This suggests to me that cooperation is not reciprocal. The article also states that the family has rejected all suggestions.
We, the church, need training in dealing with autism and we need to be redemptive, but we also need for people to recognize ALL of the needs involved!
I must repeat my earlier statement: I vote "no" on polls that encourage uninformed opinions.